I have found myself thinking these past 6 days since we became aware of Prabh’s disappearance: What can I do? Could I fly to NSW and help look for Prabh? I am a competent skier but I know that option would quickly lead to two missing Canadians and not one…
I have thought: What deals can I make with God to ensure Prabh’s safety? What can I give up in life that will tip the scales in favour of Prabh’s return? I don’t know why I think this way. Maybe it just seems like abstaining from things I enjoy will leverage some religious equity my way, and whatever being is out there will go: Oh there’s Courtney not eating/drinking/gossiping/lazing etc. What karmic allowances should we grant her?
The political science graduate in me decided that I would write my local MPs and politicians requesting their assistance in expanding the search for Prabh. The absence of reply/concern has left me even more disenchanted with our broken political system which I seriously doubted was possible.
I woke up this morning having dreamt that Prabh came striding out of the forest to tv crews and I was reading happy facebook/twitter and news updates about the miracle of his survival.
I am left with two things at this moment: the prevailing struggle to fight waning hope and the desire to make some sense of all of this. I have come to two conclusions about how I can internalize this terrifying situation:
1) I am going to go forward in my life always choosing/endeavouring to put the interests of those who love and support me on par with my own. I will endeavour to remember the wider community of people who are impacted by every choice I make, regardless of how small or seemingly insignificant. I have read many comments online questioning Prabh’s decision to hike alone and without satellite positioning technology. In the circumstances he was in: a friend cancelled the hike at the last minute and not knowing about the availability of this technology, I would have made his exact choice. ‘Screw that, I didn’t drive here not to see Mt. Kosciuszko’ I would have thought…
2) I will complain less. As a law student my day-to-day concerns are fairly equally split between studying (read: fear of failure) and employment prospects. How lucky am I that these are the worries that darken my day? If Prabh is not found alive, he will not graduate law school, he will not experience those learning pangs of interviews gone awry…
More substantially, he will not have lived the life he was destined for: A life of love and service and family.
Sometimes it takes something very profound to make you realize just how tentative life is.
I choose to go forward feeling gratitude and hope. Stay strong Prabh.